WASHINGTON, DC—In a bombshell moment that left FOX News viewers rubbing their eyes in disbelief, conservative firebrands Dan Bongino and Kash Patel turned a routine cable news interview into a Morse code manifesto, blinking their way through a coded exposé of government malfeasance. Eagle-eyed viewers, armed with caffeine and conspiracy notebooks, decoded the duo’s rapid-fire eyelid antics, uncovering messages that ranged from explosive allegations to shameless self-promotion.

The interview, hosted by a predictably animated Sean Hannity, was meant to cover the usual fare: government overreach, the deep state, and the ever-looming specter of Hillary Clinton. But it was the guests’ synchronized blinking that stole the show. Avid FOX viewer Blaine Wascht, a self-proclaimed “patriot decoder” from Topeka, Kansas, was the first to spot the covert communication.

“It was like a hostage video straight out of the Korean War,” Wascht told The Daily Satire Times, adjusting his MAGA hat for emphasis. “I’ve seen those old propaganda clips where captured pilots blinked ‘T-O-R-T-U-R-E’ to signal they were being coerced. When I saw Dan’s eyelids going wild, I knew something was up.”

Wascht, who claims to have taught himself Morse code during a three-day power outage in 2017, grabbed a pen and paper and got to work. He alleges Bongino’s blinks spelled out a single, chilling word: “CORRUPTION.” Not to be outdone, Patel’s eyelids went into overdrive, allegedly transmitting a novella-length message: “I HAVE CONCLUSIVE PROOF THAT HILLARY CLINTON WAS INVOLVED IN THE KILLING OF JEFFREY EPSTEIN, BUT IF I DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, THEN I’M NEXT.” In a move that surprised no one, Patel’s blinks concluded with a plug: “BUY MY BOOK ‘GOVERNMENT GANGSTERS.’”

“At first, I thought Kash was having a seizure,” Wascht admitted. “Then I realized he was just really committed to the bit. That’s some next-level Morse code mastery. But the book plug? C’mon, man, read the room.”

Social media erupted with reactions, as viewers debated whether the blinking was a cry for help or a performance art piece. The hashtag #BlinkGate trended on X, with users sharing slow-motion clips of the interview and arguing over the accuracy of Wascht’s translations. One X post, garnering 12,000 likes, read: “Bongino’s blinks were clean, but Kash’s were like a drunk telegraph operator. Still, 10/10 for effort. #GovernmentGangsters.”

Others were less impressed. “Kash never misses a chance to hawk his merch,” Wascht sighed. “Luckily, Dan couldn’t remember how to Morse code his website, or we’d all be drinking out of ‘Bongino Blend’ coffee mugs by now.”

When reached for comment, FOX News denied any knowledge of coded messages. “Dan and Kash were just excited to be on air,” a spokesperson said. “Maybe they had too much coffee. Or not enough. We’re not ophthalmologists.” Neither Bongino nor Patel responded to requests for comment, though Patel’s X account posted a cryptic winking emoji alongside a link to his book’s Amazon page.

As for Wascht, he’s already preparing for the next broadcast. “I’m watching Hannity tonight with a Morse code chart and a magnifying glass,” he said. “If Tucker Carlson starts blinking about Bigfoot running the Federal Reserve, I’ll be ready.”

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